This Charming Bustard

Last night, I decided I was going to write a comedy sketch about a TV Nature documentary and watched the 'Springwatch' series finale for a bit of research. I was quite amused to see Chris Packam's attempt at crowbarring (arf!) the titles of Smiths songs into the show. He got about 3 in last night, including Is It Really So Strange ('Is it really so strange that I'm fascinated by wasps?') and Vicar in a Tutu (as in 'that bird looks just like a...').

I haven't written the sketch yet, but I have come up with a fake complaint letter, which I was thinking of sending to the BBC, but haven't yet. And I probably won't. But here it is:

'Dear BBC,

I wish to complain about Chris Packham's frivolous use of song titles by our Lord and Master, Saint Sir Stephen Patrick Morrissey, Lord of Manchester, Rome, Los Angeles, and Everywhere Else in the World (apart from the rubbish bits full of extroverts that make us feel SO VERY ALONE). At one point in today's 'Springwatch' Mr Packham quoted the title of hymn Number 62 'You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Baby'. Unfortunately, he did so incorrectly - as a child could tell you, any recitation of the title of a hymn should follow the Lord Moz's intonation, in this case, 'You JUST haven't earned it yet, Baby'.

Sadly Mr Packham was heard to say in a horribly flirtatious manner to his co-presenter, Miss Kate Humble 'You just haven't earned it yet, BABY'.

This is an embarrassing faux pas. I would expect better of the BBC. I just hope our Lord Moz wasn't watching (Corrie aside, he most just listens to the wireless and has a through dislike of tawny owls, so I can't imagine 'Springwatch' is top of his agenda) because if he was he would have been thoroughly displeased...

I suggest you issue an apology forthwith. If Lord Moz was to hear of this, I dread to think of the consequences.


Yours dejectedly,

Mrs Jean Morrissey (no relation)'